Busy? Try Being a Writer

In the writing world its funny how for weeks, even years, nothing happens. Then, all of a sudden everything happens at once. Well, that’s how it has been for me lately, and as a result I’ve had a rather busy week.

First, I have been invited to guest blog at Night Owl Romance (NOR). When Tammie sent me the confirmation that it was all a go the first thing I did was panic! Yep. Me. Panic. I had no idea what to write. Sure, it’s fun, even easy, to write a ‘normal’ blog entry for my own site. If what I write is complete and utter crap then so what. I'd have the next post to redeem myself. Not so with this post I am doing for NOR. I get one shot and one shot only to draw potential new readers into my evil clutches *grin*

I stared for ages at the fresh, clean white 'new document' I had opened, hoping to find inspiration. I needed to be witty. No, I needed to be funny. Wait…hang on…how about if I wrote something intellectual? Oh darn! Me intellectual? That would be like me asking my dog to go hang out the washing. It just ain’t gonna happen.

Then something happened. I had an epiphany. I decided to be myself. Just write what came naturally to me. You know, talk about something I weave into my writing and make it fun, too.

So go check out the result of my first (and hopefully not last) blog at NOR, click here on the 11th of April. That’s when I take over the place! Muhaahaaaaa. I hope they know what they got themselves into.

Second, I have started an all new ‘announcement only’ blog for my writing. A place where I can post news, submissions, rejections, acceptances and anything else that takes my fancy. To check that out click here.

And last but not least, I have been doing a lot of submissions lately. I have about 3 completed novels with another 2 coming to that stage where I need to think of where I’m going to send them. This past week I’ve been editing like mad, writing synopsis’s and generally getting submission packages ready. Phew! Who knew writing was only just the beginning when it comes to being a writer.

Oh, and I just found out that my book "Call of the Hunted" is now available at Fiction Wise right here. Go check it out and grab my book for a great price!

Until next Thursday!



Mark Alders.

The Art of the Barfly

I just returned from a weekend long writer's conference in my hometown. One of the great things about conferences is that writers can network with big editors and agents and even meet their own editors face to face. You get to pick and choose which workshops you want to attend and chat it up with other authors.

Funny thing is, at events like this, I love being a barfly and listening to industry professionals gab about the latest trends, best sellers and *gasp*...pitches from starry eyed writers. Barfly is the appropriate word too, not because I'm as much a part of the scenery as the bar stools but because I become like a fly on the wall. After a long plane ride, tons of workshops and hours of pitches, editors and agents want to relax too. And what is it about this profession? Many of us enjoy a good cocktail...or two or three. This is a great time to either strike up a conversation...not a pitch....big no no...but schmoozing with some of New York's finest is a big perk at these events.

So, do I have your attention now? Do you want to know some of the trends I'm hearing right from the mouth of the holy, holy agents and editors? From the very mouths of the folks that sign us? Listen up.



Number 1, paranormal is not going anywhere. Yes, I've heard that the market is saturated too. I've heard editors and agents will puke if they have to read another tale about a shifter or a vamp or a dragon or a fairy. Wrong. Big myth. From what I heard last weekend, paranormal is strong and growing, especially in the YA market. And it's not slowing down in the adult market either. Now we have erotic vamps too. How sexy is that? We even have mermaids lusting over vikings. Not to worry...if you're a paranormal author, you're red hot right now.

Number 2, Want to know what industry professionals are hungry for right now more than ever? I did. And I don't write it either but you might. Write it down. High concept science fiction. And hold onto your seats folks....this is a genre considered dead right now by many...thought I never thought so...I know many, many readers that love it and I don't ever see it going away. Historicals. Keep writing those babies. What kind of historicals are agents and editors hungry for right now? Erotic regency. So if you're talented enough to write these..uh...I wrote one and the research nearly killed me...go for it.

Number 3, Want to know what editors and agents are sick to death of seeing land in their inbox and pitch sessions? Sexy cops. Men in uniform. The industry is truly sick of the detective, fireman, policeman that comes to the lady's rescue. It's a tired old plot. From what I hear, don't even try it.

So, to recap...Paranormal is here to stay for Adult and YA. High concept SF is gaining steam and the NY elite are slobbering for ultra sexy historicals, especially regency. And no cops, detectives or men in uniform. Boring, boring, boring.



So, you see, there are more benefits to drinking red wine. Become a barfly like me at your next writer's conference. You won't be sorry.

Please welcome Lori Perkins...Agent, ePublisher, Author

Welcome, Lori. We're so pleased to have you with us today! Lots of great advice here today folks!

WTR: Where can we find you online?
LP: You can reach me at lperkinsagency@yahoo.com. I have 2 blogs, ravenousromance.blogspot.com, and agentinthemiddle.com

WTR: What made you choose your career as an agent?
LP: I was a journalist, and left to become an agent because I wanted to work with both nonfiction and fiction.

WTR: What exactly are the duties of an agent?
LP: We get your book in shape for submission (edits and rewriting), find you the best publisher, negotiate your contract, and oversee your writing career.

WTR: What is the most important thing for a writer to do to catch your eye?
LP: Know what I sell and tell me why I should represent you

WTR: What is the worst thing an author can do to turn you off?
LP: Tell me you have 15 novels waiting for me to read. I can only sell one at a time, so tell me about your best and most commercial work.

WTR: What genres are you looking for at this time?
LP: Right now, I am not taking on new clients (I have 80, but I have 3 junior agents who are all looking for new authors (and I read everything).
* Marsha Philitas (mplperkinsagency@gmail.com) is looking for erotica and erotic romance,
* Sandy Lu (sllperkinsagency@lperkinsagency.com) is looking for thrillers, mysteries, chick lit and literary fiction, and
* EK (EK@lperkinsagency.com) is looking for YA, sci-fi, fantasy, and graphic novels. I oversee everything submitted.

WTR: What are you currently reading?
LP: I read three books a week for Ravenousromance.com, so right now I am reading volume II of VITAL SIGNS, our erotic version of Grey’s Anatomy.

WTR: What is your favorite book?
LP: I have four: 1984, Dracula, Gone with the Wind and Anne Rice’s Beauty Book series.

WTR: I understand you are part owner of Ravenous Romance, tell us a little about the company.
LP: Ravenousromance.com is an ebook and audio publisher of erotic romance fiction. We publish a book a day and a short story a day.
It was started by myself and two of my publishing colleagues, Holly Schmidt and Allan Penn, because we realized there was a growing readership for erotic romance and that epublishing was the wave of the future.
As an agent, I had sold a number of the erotica short story writers into the growing erotic romance market in traditional publishing, but the publishers only wanted one book a year. My authors could write 10, and there were readers waiting for their next book. Epublishing delivers books to readers at the pace they want them.

WTR: How does the current economy affect your views on publishing?
LP: People are getting tired of paying $30 for a hardcover, $20 for a trade paperback that should be a $5 mass market, and close to $10 for a mass market. Books are pricing themselves out of the entertainment budget. When they cost the same as a DVD or CD or a game, it’s a hard choice. A book should be $5, which is what a ravenousromance.com title is.

WTR: Do you think ebooks will ever replace print?
LP: No, people will always want books, but for entertainment purposes and/or high school and college reading, yes, I think people would prefer to download a copy of The Scarlet Letter rather than carry it around with them. And for traveling, I can carry 30 books on my ereader in my pocketbook, which sure beats loading up my suitcase.

WTR: I understand you are also an author, where can we find your work?
LP: On my two blogs, and on Amazon. I’ve written (and published) since I was 17, so I always find time to write. At Ravenousromance, I edit a number of anthologies (I just finished editing SEX AND TAXES which will pub on April 15th). But if I’m inspired, I’ll just get up a half hour earlier to write.

WTR: What does a typical day for you look like?
LP: I work 16 hours a day M-F, and about 5 hours each day on the weekend. I’m up at 7, check email, take my son to school, work-out, work until 6, cook dinner, watch some TV with the family, and then begin editing manuscripts until about midnight.

WTR: What advice would you give for new authors?
LP: Join a professional organization so then you can be mentored by someone further along who knows your genre. Research the genre and niche you are going into. Finish that first draft. Edit. Rewrite.

WTR: What are your current projects?
LP: I’m editing two Ravenousromance.com anthologies – Threesomes and Sex Toys, so I’m looking for stories. Submitting a story to RR is a great way to break in. At least 10 of the authors we’ve published broke in with short stories.

WTR: What do you think is more important, characterization or plot?
LP: Plot. There are some best-selling novelists who use wooden characters, but the plot just drives the story. I cannot think of a single novel where the characters alone can support the story.

WTR: What is your biggest pet peeve with submissions?
LP: Books are that are too long or short. Publishable novels are 70,000 to 100,000 words (50,000 for RR).

WTR: What is the most important thing for an author to consider when searching for an agent?
LP: Whether or not the agent is looking for clients in the area you are writing in and whether or not they are taking on new clients.

WTR: What is the most important thing to consider in maintaining an agent/author relationship?
LP: That your agents has many clients, while you usually have one book. Your agent is very busy.

WTR: What is the biggest mistake a new author can make?
LP: Having unrealistic expectations.

WTR: What are your duties at Ravenous Romance?
LP: I am the editorial director. With Holly Schmidt, the Publisher, we decide what we’re going to buy at RR. I edit three books a week.

WTR: About how many books per month/year does Ravenous Romance publish/plan to publish?
LP: We publish about 250 novels and anthologies a year and the same amount of short stories. Ravenousromance.com is one of the best markets for short stories today. When you include the anthologies, we probably buy 400 short stories a year.


Lori will be available throughout the day to answer questions that you post, so be sure to leave a comment/question for her! She is also giving away two $5 gift certificates to two lucky winners! Just leave a comment to be entered in the drawing. Good luck!

Doctors From Hell!

This week has been one from the deepest pit in hell. Are there only nine levels in hell? Surely there have to be at least thirteen.

On Monday I took my eldest son to the doctor for what we believed was Poison Ivy. He had it all over the right side of his face, his right eyelid and below the same eye and a few spots on his arm. He got a steroid shot and off we went.

Tuesday morning dawned with no improvements but he started SATs that morning at school, so I sent him off to school. That night he was still no better and had some spots on his legs, more on both arms and a couple of spots on his stomach.

I shipped him off to school Wednesday morning for his second day of SATs with the assurance that I was going to call his doctor because the Poison Ivy was covering him from head to ankle. So, about noon I get a phone call from the school nurse. From the time he left for school until then, his belly was almost covered in it. Off to the doctor we go again. She took one look at him from two feet away and refused to get closer, saying he had scabies. No tests, no close inspection, just an OMG expression on her face and it is scabies. I’m an educated person, but I had never heard of scabies, so I looked it up on the web. Damn, scabies isn’t fun. They’re little mites that dig into your skin and are highly contagious.

I discovered I am highly contagious to suggestion because as soon as I heard that, I started feeling itchy with little things crawling all over me. *laughs* Recently, I read that one in four people have a mental illness. I guess I’m the one in four. :D

Frustrated, that my son was misdiagnosed on Monday, we treat him for Scabies Wednesday night and he’s crying because the medicated lotion for scabies is burning so bad. Thursday dawns, he still looks no better and it’s spread worse. But, I disinfect the house from top to bottom. I spring cleaned with a new goal this year…that none of the rest of us would contact scabies or rather mites. Damn, I feel like a dog. *shakes head*

Friday morning…it’s worse still. Really frustrated now, I make an appointment for a different doctor and take him in. After a close-up look, this doctor’s opinion is that it’s Poison Ivy. *bangs head against the wall* He runs a scrap of his skin and guess what…it’s NOT scabies. *sharpening my mental razor to mutilate the first doctor in an upcoming novel*

This doctor gives him another shot and some oral steroids. And wow, just a few short hours later, his Poison Ivy is starting to go away. Amazing how a correct diagnosis and the correct medications do the trick every time. Wow! And I didn’t even learn that in paralegal school. *insert dripping sarcasm*

So, I invite you to share your medical horror story with us at Wicked Thorn & Roses. Hope you all have an awesome weekend!

Love, Sex, and Outer Space

It turns out that line marriages are common for loonies.

The Speculative Realms anthology features the following short story from Lancer Kind, along with other fine work such as Jeff "Parish's Of Bones and Blades", Karen Lee Field's "Where Strength Lies", and these other fine authors.

KanjiKiss by Lancer Kind

A story of the near future where a young man, in love with technology but frustrated with laboring on his parent's farm, has a techno-mystical awakening that takes him from Wyoming and leads him along the Internet backbone to Seattle. There, he falls in love with a woman called KanjiKiss. Although he only knows her by her network handle, he wishes to take the relationship to the next step, a new technological next step. His family tries to stop him from committing to a relationship in a way that can never be undone.

*******

The science fiction genre is dominated by stories of future thought. There is a wealth of opinions on love and sex since those topics capture the most interest for us on planet Earth. By launching a shipload of characters into outer space, the author limbers up the ability to tell a story because the reader's imagination is less likely to think--no, that can't happen.


I mean, it's not like the reader has been to space.


Even though an author can fling characters across the Universe, the story is really about a concern that is contemporary to the author. To take a look at this effect, lets look at some historical examples by taking two characters on a trans-story journey and see what trouble they get into.


Meet Bobby and Kathrine. Bobby is athletic and smart with flashing blue eyes. In heels, Kathrine is nearly as tall as Bobby, has wild dark hair, and is full figured. They know each other but haven't made it to first base. Actually, they have no interest in baseball at all--their hormones are telling them that they want to get laid. Maybe it's for love, or maybe it's for sex. Let's send them somewhere and see what happens.


Bobby and Kathrine travel to the year 2075 to live on the moon (become loonies). In Heinlein's The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, the moon is a frontier colony where Earth's undesirables are sent, like Australia was for the British. Lunar Colony is built underneath the surface, and it is in the artificial lights of a tunnel where Bobby and Kathrine meet. Like on Earth, the people of the moon have access to birth control, so sex can be a recreational activity. Bobby first makes polite conversation until he is encouraged by her strong eye contact. After making her laugh at his clumsy ability to walk on his hands in the moon's weak gravity, they have casual sex in a quiet underground garden. But when Bobby presses for something longer term, Katherine tells him she has to check with her husbands.


Husband*s*? Huh?


It turns out that line marriages are common for loonies. A line marriage, like the line of a family name, continues as long as there are participants to carry on the marriage. Resources are shared by all of the family which crosses generations. There can be multiple wives and husbands and at any time, one may add to the family by voting in the new member. If Bobby's the jealous type, being in a relationship with Katherine will never work because she'll eventually share a different husband's bed. But Bobby, being a loony, is used to this since it is part of his culture. However he now needs more than Katherine's love, he must impress the entire family in order to get voted in.


Good luck Bobby!


Why line marriages on the moon? Since there is half as many women as men on the moon, it is a way to ease the social the pressure. Heinlein was also making a statement about what was happening when he wrote the novel in the 1960s. He makes a point about how the line marriages were fully multi-ethnic, where at the time in the US there were miscegenation laws (outlawing interracial sex and marriage), and while he was at it, he decide to write into his novel a thought experiment about how polygamy could be beneficial too.


Next, Bobby and Kathrine fall into a trans-story singularity and drop into Whileaway, one of the worlds describe in Joanna Russ's The Female Man. On Whileaway, Katherine's name becomes Kate, and she ignores Bobby because she is into Missy, her new girlfriend. Bobby makes himself scarce on Whileaway because the existence of men is only legend, and everyone thinks he is some kind of deformed woman. Missy and Kate fall in love and have a daughter through a process called parthengenetics.


Joanna Russ wrote The Female Man during the 1970's feminist movement and she achieved publication in the male dominated science fiction genre in 1975. Throughout the novel, Joanna Russ exposes the inequities in sexual relationships and love. She invents four different worlds to tell a story about four woman coming together to decide what to do about men.


Bobby, who is not happy on Whileaway, wakes up the next morning shaving aboard the Battlestar Galactica, and Kate becomes Kat and is a bad-ass viper pilot. She returns from patrol duty and sees Bobby shaving in their co-ed locker room. She decides he's cute and wraps her arms around his waist while he is focused on slicing away the whiskers beneath his jaw-bone. Bobby quickly gives up and turns into her arms. She presses him against the sink and gets the washcloth from behind Bobby and uses it to clean the shaving cream off his face, and then teases it against the back of his neck as she kisses him. Soon the two of them are struggling into the relative privacy of a shower stall, removing their cloths.


Much of the culture in the new Battlestar Galactica feels the same as Earth, though amped up because everything seems to happen more quickly when living in cramped conditions. The sexual rituals and love rituals are the most familiar out of the three science fiction stories Bobby and Kathrine have journeyed through. The two novels wanted to put radical thought of human relationship on the stage because at the time, the authors had a lot to say about how we were behaving. BSG is more of a mirror of what we are today and puts us on the stage so we can critique ourselves about what it means to be sentient. The biggest faux pas of the show is to have sex with a Cylon, also known as frakken around with a toaster.


That sounds kinky, or dangerous. OK, both.



==>Lancer----


Lancer is a multipublished author. He lives the Pacific Northwest with his lovely wife Shelli and their imaginary rooster Jimmy
Please visit http://lancerkind.com/stimulants-online/, subscribe to his blog and you can read the following stories:
Parsec Hiccup is about a musical love triangle with a space western mixed in for good measure.
New Sofa, New Girl is about a geeky IT guy who discovers a woman living beneath his new sofa.
http://LancerKind.com <-- science fictionist
http://Twitter.com/LancerKind

Check out Lancer's other anthologies.

Who's Being Funny?

I apologize in advance if this becomes a random nothingness of dribble, but I haven’t been well this week. Damn head colds! Bleh! After only 2 minutes of sitting in front of the computer my eyes went all blurry and I couldn’t see clearly. Not a good thing when you’re a modern day writer and the keyboard and screen is the new paper and pen (I mean imagine using a pen to write! OMG). As a result this has been written in fits and starts.

I wanted to talk about humour in writing, but seeing as I’m unwell I’m really not in the mood for being funny. Which, when I thought about it, is exactly the problem humorous writing has, isn’t it?

Let me explain.

Humour (or as some would say ‘humor’) is extremely subjective. Sure, you can pick up a book from the ‘comedy’ or ‘humorous’ section of a bookstore and you’ll be pretty sure that’s what the author intended the content of the book to be. Trouble is, what if the book is from the horror section and 20 pages in you’re roaring with laugher? Or worse yet, it’s an erotic novel and god forbid the bedroom scene has you in stitches instead of feeling all gooey and warm. (well, that’s how I feel with a well written love scene).

Believe me, I have read plenty of books that are supposed to be serious and are actually pretty damn humorous. I would imagine that wasn’t the author’s intention. So what goes wrong with writing that’s supposed to be funny and isn’t? Or worse yet, serious writing that’s laugh out loud hilarious?

The truth be told it’s actually very hard to write humour—well, good humour anyway. I have a kind of scale I like to go by when it comes to humour and the world of writing. I like to have little scales and charts and what not around my computer. They keep me focused.

At one end of my humour scale is the slapstick kind of humour, which, sprinkled in sparingly can be quite effective. A moment or two of pure unadulterated ‘pie in the face’ writing can be hilarious. But used too much and it can become really boring really quickly. (I think that’s the problem with some of those horror novels I’ve read. With all those bucket loads of blood pouring out everywhere one can only laugh…and then get tired of it quickly. Which I suppose would explain why I don’t read too many horror books that go this way). I think Douglas Adams did slapstick really well in his book The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, especially when Arthur Dent and gang got to the Vogon Home World. The independent thought ‘slap in the face’ was in my opinion done perfectly. Not too much, but enough to give a belly laugh and then move on. Which is what I’m basically saying. Less is more when it comes to humorous writing, I think.

The other end, or the upper end, is the ‘dry as a bone’ satire kind of writing. Satire is hard to keep up. Even the most hardened writer would find it extremely difficult to complete a novel of satire at the darker end of the scale. Sure, it can be done and has been done quite effectively…it would just be hard trying to write a book where every word is dripping with dark (and ultimately dreary) satire.

Personally, I find a lot of satire tends to slide into silliness if not kept under control. That silliness then becomes slapstick, and, as I have just explained, that’s at the other end of the scale. Of course, you can disagree with absolutely everything I have just said…just get ready to duck that pie.

That’s not to say slapstick, silliness and satire can’t be all in the one story. Some demand it. I just think, for a novice, keeping things simple and leaving the audience wanting more is a far better approach. Sure, write that satire, you may even do it well. But I bet the reason it has been done well is because you’ve focused on keeping the theme of the satire simple. Not taking on too much. Yep. Keep it simple. (I think that’s why political satire does so well. It sticks to one subject and squeezes everything it can out of it).

Until next time…because my eyes are now burning in their sockets and who the hell made computer screens so bright?

P.S. (and written the next day—I do feel a bit better) It seems my next novel, The Pauper’s Prize will be due out in November some time with eXtasy Books. I’m excited about that.

Here’s a promotion thingy/banner I whipped up for the book to help me get the promotion ball rolling. Next week I might post the blurb and a snippet of the book to tease. I like teasing.




P.P.S. Reading back my post I have to say that I think I did pretty good considering I was out of it most of the week.
*Hugs*
Mark Alders.

April Fool's Day!!

Happy April Fool's Day!!

Well, it's almost 1 pm here and so far no jokes have been played on me. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that none happen today since I know some very creative people!

I looked up some interesting April Fool's Day information I'd thought I'd share in honor of this fun holiday.

~April Fool's Day is often called All Fools Days.

~The "Kick Me" sign put on people's backs originated from this holiday.

~April 1st was actually New Years Day long ago but someone switched it when they redesigned the calendar.

~Mexico's April Fool's Day is Decemeber 28th.

~You can read about the top 100 April Fool's Day jokes at http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/

Don't forget to tell me about your April Fool's Day stories!

Talk to you next Wednesday,
Wendy Ely