Let's about sex, bay-bee with Gayle Carline

One of my friends emailed me after she read Freezer Burn, my debut mystery. Let's call her Mrs. NeedsMore, who wrote:"I enjoyed the read… I was more than a little disappointed with your approach to sex. Not enough detail... You can work on that in novel #2.

"I do have sex in my novel. I mean, my protagonist Peri has sex. She is in a long-term, committed relationship with Skip Carlton, a detective in the Placentia Police Department. They have lovely, delicious, hungry, languid, voracious, rapturous, gourmet sex.You just don't get to see it.Don't get me wrong: I like to read sex scenes. I just don't need to write them.

Before I wrote Freezer Burn, I wrote another novel. It's literary fiction, took me a year and a half to write, and is so convoluted, I can't tell you what it's about in 25 words or less. Hell, I can't tell you what it's about in 25,000 words. There was a young girl in it. She traveled. Stuff happened. Boring stuff. It now lies on my external hard drive, where I use it for parts.I had a big, fat sex scene in that book. It took me a long time to write, because I wanted passion without flowery euphemisms, but when I attempted lean and mean prose, the sparseness was boring. Finally, I had pages of detailed sexual play, leading up to a satisfying ending. And then…I was done. It was like I had this sex scene stuck in my head, and once I coughed it up, I didn't have to write about the details anymore.

In Freezer Burn, I let Peri and Skip make love whenever the mood strikes - before the murder investigation starts, but not after Peri's ribs are broken, after her ribs are healed, but before she gets shot - you get the picture.

Here is an excerpt:******They made it as far as the den, where Peri pulled him down to the rug in front of the fireplace. Laughing, stripping each other, stripping themselves, they made effervescent, enthusiastic love. At last satiated, they lay back on the pillows, propped against the fireplace bricks.

Skip groaned. "Man, we're too old for this."

Peri traced his jaw line with her fingers. "Speak for yourself, buddy. When you can't stand to look at my wrinkles, we'll just do it in the dark."******

The reader knows what happened. They just aren't going to see the videotape. So, Mrs. NeedsMore, you won't see any more detail in the next novel than you did in the first. I'm glad you enjoyed the read, but these are my characters. They deserve their privacy.

Gayle's Bio: Gayle spent 25 years as a software engineer, before escaping into the world of penniless authors. She has a weekly humor column in the Placentia News-Times (CA), but she loves a good mystery, so she wrote Freezer Burn, a cozy little tale of what to do when you find a severed hand in your freezer. It was so much fun, she's writing a second one!

Nasty Vent about Judgemental In-Laws (Warning: Puke Bag May Be Necessary)

I'm in a HORRIBLE mood, so bad really that I shouldn't be blogging about it but today's my blog day so here it goes. Wicked Thorn and Roses was originally created to showcase the erotic works of all the bloggers here but I know sometimes we chat about other stuff because we can't talk about our works all day long and because we're human, right? We don't dream of sex all day long, write sex, have sex and cook food that only makes us want to have more sex once we consume it, right? Or am I wrong? Feel free to correct me. This is something that I'm sure other erotic romance authors have come into contact with as well, but rarely discuss just because it's so stupid and unnecessary. However, I'm extra bitchy today so I'm gonna mention it.

How many of you out there write erotic stories, poetry, romances, blogs or even just enjoy reading it....and the rest of the "normal world", those that think "sex" is a dirty word and apparently only for making babies....well, those folks like to be a tad JUDGEMENTAL about your work? For example, they like to make crazy ass statements and pretend they are your shrink or priest or heaven forbid, YOUR MOTHER.

Let me be more specific. Now, raise your hand if you've recently been to a family function and one of your in-laws...it's usually an in-law....one of those lovely creatures...yeah, right.....pipes up and says something like this, "Oh, I tried to read your book but I know it was REALLY about you and my brother and I was so grossed out." First of all, that says two things to me. Number one, I'm too disgusting of a human to imagine another human wanting to make love to me. It could be me age, though. And I'm not that old...this lovely little gem rolled off the tongue of my 25 year old sister-in-law who married a toothless man 15 years older than her who works in a head shop. Maybe if she gets high enough, she won't have to think about it all or think about my dirty sex novels.







Secondly, it tells me that she assumes I'm not creative enough to invent my own story world so I only write about my own sexual experiences. She told me over and over again how disgusted she was and then did this shudder thing with her body. Her mother agrees but two of the aunts love my books and treat me like a star when I visit. I took them my lastest book last time I went and I saw my mother-in-law and sister-in-law whispering and giving me church lady stares.



By the way, Michael (my husband) grew up in this church where all the elders could spank him, the preacher had his way with any of the women and the children were dragged across a table of water for cleansing if they said shit or any curse word. My oldest sister-in-law told me the story of how they did this to her and soaked her panties for saying shit when she was five! The women had to wear skirts to their ankles. Michael still has issues if I wear a short skirt today and I'm not talking a mini skirt. I'm talking about a skirt that goes to my knees.

And I come waltzing into this family, this romance author who writes in many genres including...gasp....erotica! Put it this way, I don't do well when they play Bible Trivia. Michael can kick all their asses though so I just sit back and watch. I think I only know like three Bible verses by heart because I'm too busy thinking about sex all day long and God doesn't like sex. Must be some ridiculous invention from the dark ages, before television came along. Probably has something to do with worshipping Satan or something.










Michael rebelled in a big way. He refused to cut his hair, covered his arms in tats and wore shirts that say Fuck Off. His mom was not happy. Oh..and the icing on the cake, he moved in with the girl next door...a girl who writes erotica, wears make-up and skirts that don't drag the floor. We had a baby out of wed lock and then another...and then I go and write about our sex life. I wrote so much shit that it turned into several books with warning labels. I just had to get all the words onto paper so I could heal myself from my affliction. And then it was my goal in life to embarrass my in-laws and form alliances with the cool aunts who love my stuff. I really work for the Devil now and my what a ride it has been. I better stop blogging about this nonsense so I can go write some more dirty, nasty, slutty stuff so my sister-in-law can talk about me as she sucks from her bong tonight, wishing she was having hot sex.



Sigh...thank you all you wicked bloggers...I feel much better. My how I hate judgemental, hateful, spiteful, know-it-alls.










Have an extra naughty Tuesday and jump your honey's bones when he or she strolls through the door tonight.

~Alisha