Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Nasty Vent about Judgemental In-Laws (Warning: Puke Bag May Be Necessary)

I'm in a HORRIBLE mood, so bad really that I shouldn't be blogging about it but today's my blog day so here it goes. Wicked Thorn and Roses was originally created to showcase the erotic works of all the bloggers here but I know sometimes we chat about other stuff because we can't talk about our works all day long and because we're human, right? We don't dream of sex all day long, write sex, have sex and cook food that only makes us want to have more sex once we consume it, right? Or am I wrong? Feel free to correct me. This is something that I'm sure other erotic romance authors have come into contact with as well, but rarely discuss just because it's so stupid and unnecessary. However, I'm extra bitchy today so I'm gonna mention it.

How many of you out there write erotic stories, poetry, romances, blogs or even just enjoy reading it....and the rest of the "normal world", those that think "sex" is a dirty word and apparently only for making babies....well, those folks like to be a tad JUDGEMENTAL about your work? For example, they like to make crazy ass statements and pretend they are your shrink or priest or heaven forbid, YOUR MOTHER.

Let me be more specific. Now, raise your hand if you've recently been to a family function and one of your in-laws...it's usually an in-law....one of those lovely creatures...yeah, right.....pipes up and says something like this, "Oh, I tried to read your book but I know it was REALLY about you and my brother and I was so grossed out." First of all, that says two things to me. Number one, I'm too disgusting of a human to imagine another human wanting to make love to me. It could be me age, though. And I'm not that old...this lovely little gem rolled off the tongue of my 25 year old sister-in-law who married a toothless man 15 years older than her who works in a head shop. Maybe if she gets high enough, she won't have to think about it all or think about my dirty sex novels.

Secondly, it tells me that she assumes I'm not creative enough to invent my own story world so I only write about my own sexual experiences. She told me over and over again how disgusted she was and then did this shudder thing with her body. Her mother agrees but two of the aunts love my books and treat me like a star when I visit. I took them my lastest book last time I went and I saw my mother-in-law and sister-in-law whispering and giving me church lady stares.

By the way, Michael (my husband) grew up in this church where all the elders could spank him, the preacher had his way with any of the women and the children were dragged across a table of water for cleansing if they said shit or any curse word. My oldest sister-in-law told me the story of how they did this to her and soaked her panties for saying shit when she was five! The women had to wear skirts to their ankles. Michael still has issues if I wear a short skirt today and I'm not talking a mini skirt. I'm talking about a skirt that goes to my knees.

And I come waltzing into this family, this romance author who writes in many genres including...gasp....erotica! Put it this way, I don't do well when they play Bible Trivia. Michael can kick all their asses though so I just sit back and watch. I think I only know like three Bible verses by heart because I'm too busy thinking about sex all day long and God doesn't like sex. Must be some ridiculous invention from the dark ages, before television came along. Probably has something to do with worshipping Satan or something.

Michael rebelled in a big way. He refused to cut his hair, covered his arms in tats and wore shirts that say Fuck Off. His mom was not happy. Oh..and the icing on the cake, he moved in with the girl next door...a girl who writes erotica, wears make-up and skirts that don't drag the floor. We had a baby out of wed lock and then another...and then I go and write about our sex life. I wrote so much shit that it turned into several books with warning labels. I just had to get all the words onto paper so I could heal myself from my affliction. And then it was my goal in life to embarrass my in-laws and form alliances with the cool aunts who love my stuff. I really work for the Devil now and my what a ride it has been. I better stop blogging about this nonsense so I can go write some more dirty, nasty, slutty stuff so my sister-in-law can talk about me as she sucks from her bong tonight, wishing she was having hot sex.

Sigh...thank you all you wicked bloggers...I feel much better. My how I hate judgemental, hateful, spiteful, know-it-alls.

Have an extra naughty Tuesday and jump your honey's bones when he or she strolls through the door tonight.



Minx Malone said...

Dang girl, they sound crazy. Don't let them get you down. I'm pretty sure they spread their nasty opinions to everyone they meet!


Wendy_Ely said...


I'm sorry they treat you like that but I do understand. My aunt emailed me to ask about my book. She said, "You just write trashy stuff, right?" I was like WHAT?!?! So I didn't return the email.

I hope your day goes better :)


Alisha Paige said...

Thanks, Minx and Wendy. I'm not really down...sometimes I think it helps to vent to others that have been there. I find out that I'm not alone. Like you, Wendy. You did the right thing. Don't respond to the church lady...lol...not worth it.


Sierra Wolfe said...

Hugs, Alisha. Sorry your in-laws are so ignorant. Don't let them get to you. There are lots of ignorance in this world. Just remember how many people love you and love your writing.

You're right. We've all been there. That's why I don't even tell my family what I write, if I tell them I write at all. :D

Alisha Paige said...

Thank you, Sierra.


Mark Alders said...

okay, my turn to rescue you...

~~~~~~sending chocolate and virtual hugs

Now, let's sit down, eat that chocolate together and admire that wonderful pussy cat picture you posted last. How freakin' adorable. Made my day :-)

And I ignore in-laws and anyone else by not telling them what I write. If some people knew that I, a family man, wrote what I did they'd drop dead on the spot (which sounds good in theory for some people I know to drop dead but I just don't want to pick up the ambulance bill!) So I don't tell anyone except those that need to know *evil grin*

So write on. The Wooden Nickel was simply stunning, and you know what, I loved the beginning, set up the story perfectly IMHO. I really needed that kind of novel this week. Thanks.

Looking forward to reading Voodoo Moon (when my Paypal payment gets approved)



Tierney O'Malley said...


You should have contradicted her and said, "Grossed out or you got wet and slippery in between your legs. But since you're a cold fish, you thought about your stickiness as gross."

Maddening! Simply maddening. Forget them. You know who you are and what you are capable of doing.
Bigots and ignorants, jealous women and simple-minded people are everywhere--sadly. So just laugh about their comments. Now that you've vented, open that bottle of wine and let us have a toast. "To the ignorants, judgemental and horrible in-laws, may you all freeze in your cold beds!"

Alisha Paige said...

Mark~ Thank you for rescuing me. You are so right. And thank you for your sweet comments about The Wooden Nickel. I really needed that. I'm sending you a fat hug.

Tierney~Your post made me laugh out loud. I REALLY wish I'd said that! I'm opening my bottle of wine and having a toast with all of you!

Gracen Miller said...


I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm like Mark, I rarely tell anyone that I write or what I write because I don't want to hear the Bible belters screeching about how I'm going to hell for writing it.

Just so you know, you're not alone in the boat, my mother-in-law informed me I was going to hell for writing about vampires. Grrr...If she knew about the sex, she'd KNOW I'm going to hell. My mother isn't any better. She refused to tell my step-father that there was actually sex in the book. *gasp* God forbid someone actually have sex in a book and enjoy it...much less it happen in real life! *mega gasp* Honestly, I'm offended that they have no problem with the violence I write, but just the sex. What type of screwed up mentality is that?

Best of all, I love Tierney's suggested comments. Had me lmao.

The most frustrating part is, if you're like me, you're not asking for anyone's opinion, but you're receiving it anyway. I tell you, I wish I was as perfect as the pious hypocrites I know!

*gives you a virtual bear hug*

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