How many of you out there write erotic stories, poetry, romances, blogs or even just enjoy reading it....and the rest of the "normal world", those that think "sex" is a dirty word and apparently only for making babies....well, those folks like to be a tad JUDGEMENTAL about your work? For example, they like to make crazy ass statements and pretend they are your shrink or priest or heaven forbid, YOUR MOTHER.
Let me be more specific. Now, raise your hand if you've recently been to a family function and one of your in-laws...it's usually an in-law....one of those lovely creatures...yeah, right.....pipes up and says something like this, "Oh, I tried to read your book but I know it was REALLY about you and my brother and I was so grossed out." First of all, that says two things to me. Number one, I'm too disgusting of a human to imagine another human wanting to make love to me. It could be me age, though. And I'm not that old...this lovely little gem rolled off the tongue of my 25 year old sister-in-law who married a toothless man 15 years older than her who works in a head shop. Maybe if she gets high enough, she won't have to think about it all or think about my dirty sex novels.
Secondly, it tells me that she assumes I'm not creative enough to invent my own story world so I only write about my own sexual experiences. She told me over and over again how disgusted she was and then did this shudder thing with her body. Her mother agrees but two of the aunts love my books and treat me like a star when I visit. I took them my lastest book last time I went and I saw my mother-in-law and sister-in-law whispering and giving me church lady stares.
By the way, Michael (my husband) grew up in this church where all the elders could spank him, the preacher had his way with any of the women and the children were dragged across a table of water for cleansing if they said shit or any curse word. My oldest sister-in-law told me the story of how they did this to her and soaked her panties for saying shit when she was five! The women had to wear skirts to their ankles. Michael still has issues if I wear a short skirt today and I'm not talking a mini skirt. I'm talking about a skirt that goes to my knees.
And I come waltzing into this family, this romance author who writes in many genres including...gasp....erotica! Put it this way, I don't do well when they play Bible Trivia. Michael can kick all their asses though so I just sit back and watch. I think I only know like three Bible verses by heart because I'm too busy thinking about sex all day long and God doesn't like sex. Must be some ridiculous invention from the dark ages, before television came along. Probably has something to do with worshipping Satan or something.
Michael rebelled in a big way. He refused to cut his hair, covered his arms in tats and wore shirts that say Fuck Off. His mom was not happy. Oh..and the icing on the cake, he moved in with the girl next door...a girl who writes erotica, wears make-up and skirts that don't drag the floor. We had a baby out of wed lock and then another...and then I go and write about our sex life. I wrote so much shit that it turned into several books with warning labels. I just had to get all the words onto paper so I could heal myself from my affliction. And then it was my goal in life to embarrass my in-laws and form alliances with the cool aunts who love my stuff. I really work for the Devil now and my what a ride it has been. I better stop blogging about this nonsense so I can go write some more dirty, nasty, slutty stuff so my sister-in-law can talk about me as she sucks from her bong tonight, wishing she was having hot sex.
Sigh...thank you all you wicked bloggers...I feel much better. My how I hate judgemental, hateful, spiteful, know-it-alls.
Have an extra naughty Tuesday and jump your honey's bones when he or she strolls through the door tonight.
~Alisha
