Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Relationships and writing

It occurred to me that I as a romance writer focus a lot of my writing on the relationship that develops between the characters. Thus romance. However in my personal life it might surprise you to know that I have issues. I am insensitive and sponge like when it comes to the love that is given to me. I am married to a wonderful man who would move heaven and earth for me and considers me just as beautiful now at 250 as I was when he married me at 130. God bless him.

I have some idea why I'm like this really. I was raised by a mother who has admitted in recent years that she didn't know she was allowed to love her children and thought her job was to keep them at arms length while making sure they didn't hurt themselves. In addition to that I have a father that sexual abused me and then was ripped from my life. That alone is enough to give you issues. My step father never had children of his own he was an instant father once he married my mom and he did the best he could loving us in the only way he knew how. My parents (that is my step father and mother) were not very affectionate people in general. So when my husband asks me to hold his hand or kiss him in public it's almost a foreign concept to me. This has led me to train myself over the years to show affection. It's still hard for me sometimes and can be uncomfortable.

I learned a lot the instant my kids were born. I have been told I was a natural mother. Beyond the fact I was determined not be like my mother. I loved my kids from the instant I saw them something inside me swelled and filled a place I didn't know was empty. I have no problem showing my kids affection.

It makes me wonder now as I reflect how I can easily break down other peoples problems and create relationships even though I have issues of my own. Am I that smart? Do I know human emotion that well? No I'm just a regular person who is able to visualize and comfort others and has been through her own relationship issues. I use those as building blocks to create and weaver characters that are real and believable.

Check out Buffy's book The Mating Moon visit http://www.sapphirebluepublishing.com/catalog/index.php?manufacturers_id=20&osCsid=c63d74bc724f3a8761262b42df2b3e0c

Buffy Christopher


Wendy_Ely said...

Thanks for a great post, Buffy!

Sierra Wolfe said...

Great post, Buffy! How true it is that romance writers aren't necessarily good at relationships. I can vouch for that myself. Thank you for sharing with us!

Jessa Slade said...

They say writing is cheap therapy. Maybe we use it as a testing ground to ask "what if?" not just for our characters, but for ourselves.

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